either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize