its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
