Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
