i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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