I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
