Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
