craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
