Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize