I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
