I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
