thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
