its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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