she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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