I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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