do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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