Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...

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(224): View more from Illinois

he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.

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(240): View more from Maryland

He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

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(503): View more from Oregon

I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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(419): View more from Ohio

Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.

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