I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
