when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize