Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
