TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
