i think my tv is drunk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
