I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
