god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
...so i touched it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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