Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just had sex on a roof
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
