Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
