This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
