HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
