the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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