so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
