Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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