You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
