Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
