it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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