I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So much rum. So many feels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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