guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
