I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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