he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
