I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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