ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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