You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
