My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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