I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
