Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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