so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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