i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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