she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
