take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
