he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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