He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
