I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have fence marks all over my body
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
