I think I died a long time ago.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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