Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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