Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
