Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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