I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
