I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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