Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
