Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize