i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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