phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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