we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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