Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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