Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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