Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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