I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
