I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
