god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
