I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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