I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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