I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
