I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
