The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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