there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
