If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
