She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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