dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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