I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know her cup size but not her name....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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