2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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