Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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