Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
