At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
