I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize