my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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