using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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