Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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