it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
