I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize