I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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