Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
