Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
