Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
