I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
