just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
