:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
