I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
