3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
