So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize