he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My bed smells like the plague
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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