I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
