Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
