My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize