No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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